Yes, Ohio, there is a Santa Claus!

Leading off, I am well aware that the Virgina whom was addressed on the September 21, 1897 editorial page of The (New York) Sun was not the Commonwealth of Virginia but rather 8-year old Virginia O'Hanlon.  However, that creative juxtaposition better suits my purpose today.

Santa, known for rewarding all the good little boys and girls with presents and also for giving lumps of coal to those degenerates who are deserving of such, gave Cincinnati fans throughout Reds Country the pleasantly unexpected but justly deserved gift of a bus ticket out of town for one Drew Stubbs.  Stubby, for his part, found a big ol' lump of coal in his formerly Red Stocking hung by the fireplace with care - a lump of coal with Cleveland stamped across its dusty surface.

Speaking of lumps of coal/Cleveland, that fraudulent sham of a Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame finally saw the merchandising light and named every one's favorite Canadian power trio RUSH among its 2013 class of inductees.  A long overdue recognition, certainly, and criminal that luminaries of vacuousness like ABBA have been honored at all, let alone before RUSH.  Joining RUSH as 2013 honorees this year are Public Enemy.  I for one cannot wait to hear them jamming together on a Xanadu/Get the [expletive deleted] Outta Dodge medley!  Just imagine; Chuck D and Geddy Lee sharing one mic.  That concept makes my eyes spin like a dial telephone (credit: Marty Brennaman).  Could be the start of a whole new collaborative opportunity;  By the Time I Get to the Temples of Syrinx, or maybe By-Tor and the Snowdog Gonna Work It Out.

The forgoing has all been prelude to what follows next, my first effort at posting photos to this blog:

 

 

 

That's former Cincinnati Red Dave "The Cobra" Parker aka "Parkway" at center, graciously posing for a photo with my brother Lou and me at RedsFest 2012.  The native Cincinnatian "Cobra," seated for this photo, is a big dude.  Parker was robbed of the 1985 National League MVP award.  I told him as much.  Playing that year for Cincinnati, Parker led the NL in doubles and RBI (with 125, top that Jay Bruce!) hit .312/.365/.551 (are you reading this, Jay Bruce?) and finished 2nd in MVP voting.  The player named NL MVP in 1985?  Willie McGee.  Criminal!  As we know, almost without exception the BBWAA is populated with morons.

 

Christmas at The Ranch

 

As you might know, Lou's birthday is Christmas Eve.  In the photo above, he is buried under a veritable avalanche of gifts.  Alison, at left, feigns disinterest in Lou's crushing plight.

 

My niece Maria, above, models one of my Christmas gifts; a game-used 1978 Cincinnati Reds St. Patrick's Day green batting helmet.  Somewhere in Boone, North Carolina, Kristan just switched her monitor display from color to black-and-white.

My niece Anna, above, sporting the bumble bee knit hat I gave her intently studies some book which I did not give her. 

What Christmas dinner can be considered complete without.....

..... Mexican Coca-Cola?!

I bought a case. 

Who wants one?  They're going fast!

 

 

 

 

Brace Yourself!

Welcome to the next-generation of the ol' web page!

I am still in the early stages of learning my way around this new set-up.  In time I will develop a better grasp of this new format and, certainly, the look and feel will evolve.  I ask for your patience (and advice, if any of you have familiarity with this type of blog).

First, some background.

For those of you who were guests at Big Randy and Shauna's wedding all those many years ago and discovered that - at that time - I was using a 35mm non-digital camera, the following will not come as a surprise; Until October of 2012 I have been laboring under the grinding constraints of, yes, Dial-Up internet access!  [cue; Screams of shock and horror]  Hey, it was cheap and for what few demands I place upon the Information Superhighway, it suited my needs.

Until recently.

As even the most basic of webpages became increasingly more full of dense graphics and embedded video with Java-this and Flash-that, my pokey 56k connection was seizing up.  It was time to break free from the shackles of pre-Y2K technology and join the high-speed Wi-Fi revolution.  Once that decision was made, I soon discovered that my longtime ISP EarthLink did not offer a service that matched my new ISP [source REDACTED] in terms of speed or price.  So long EarthLink, hello [REDACTED]!  Yet that would also mean bidding a melancholy farewell to the ol' web page (or ol' web pages, in fact).  Even considering my old Dial-Up connection speed (or lack thereof), the user-interface for the ol' web pages was simple and the Spartan-like limits of usable space and media suited my limited web design knowledge just fine.  This new system with its myriad of controls is somewhat daunting - no kidding, I do not understand 75% of the options available to me (seriously, what is HTML?), but I'll master it before too long.  One new feature that I'll enjoy utilizing is spell-check.  The ol' web page(s) did not offer that luxury as, I'm certain, you are no-doubt painfully aware.  Another feature in particular that I'm looking forward to is the ability to insert a video directly into this webpage - no more links to video websites like YouTube or This Week in the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy for my private, home-made videos.  Oh, wait, most of you weren't meant to know about that second website. 

Moving right along.....

Best of all, it's FREE. 

No more subscription fees for my loyal readers.  What's that you say?  You never received an invoice?  Well, don't worry about it now!

I Am the Heavy Artillery.

When I initiated my search for a new (free) email provider and webpage host, I soon ran into the dilemma of "names" (or titles) and addresses.  Evidently, every email address that is less than 6 or 8 characters has been taken or is perhaps reserved for shadowy extra-governmental entities.  A brief email address like "mb71@....." was a great but, seemingly, dusty relic of the distant 20th century past.  Once my attempts to carry-over my old email addresses in their essential forms was denied, I took some time to brainstorm new concepts for this new era.  As you might imagine, I came up with great - often hilarious - ideas.  Ultimately the mind must settle upon something and so I chose the following new email address for my friends and acquaintances:

weaponsgrademike@gmail.com

Please add this and remove any old email addresses you may have for me.

Everyone knows a Mike or four - it is, after all, a great All-American name - but how many are weapons-grade, like me?  Never fear, I also devised a couple of email addresses which are devoid of obnoxiousness for family and public usage.  This "weaponsgrademike" is, as are most of my internet activities, simply an exercise in having fun.  In the coming years you will enjoy all the same content and tone (attitude?) that you've grown accustomed to since the ol' web page first went live 13 years ago.

You cannot believe that it has been that long already, am I right?

Similarly, the "heavy artillery" title emerged one day recently in a fit of silliness.  Everyone is familiar with the idea of "calling in back-up" or reinforcements.  The "big guns," etc.  Yet how often do people go around identifying themselves in that manner?  Hello, I'm the reinforcements.  Oddly, humans identifying themselves in such bold terms happens just enough that a quick Google-search turns up variations on those themes. 

So I needed something a little more original.

 In the days before my brother Lou went down the route of facial hair, people who didn't know often mistook us as twins.  I would reply that I was his stunt double and that response would unfailingly generate a chuckle or two.  OK, just one chuckle (would that make it a "chuck?")  They do not require mentioning here, but those of you who knew me in Junior High and High School will recall that frequently I would invent a new nickname for myself - often based upon some topical matter of the day - solely in the pursuit of humor.  It was in that spirit, and being desirous of something that was evocative of both boldness and my undeniably powerful, influential force that I invented I Am The Heavy Artillery.  Google-searches did not turn up any such similar blog titles and so I ran with it.  I hope you like it, because we are all stuck with it.

Likewise, the tag-line The always inciteful blog came up one day in a conversation with Lou.  I was relating to him the introduction I had heard of a guest onto a talk-radio program and said guest had been introduced to the listening audience as "The always-insightful....."  Understanding - as we all do - my own caustic nature, I volunteered that an appropriate introduction for me might be "The always incite-ful Mike," since I have a particular skill when it comes to stirring up heated, explosive passions. [note: I am fully aware of the fact that "inciteful" does not appear to be an accepted word in the English language.  It should be.  And as of now, among we friends, it is!  Start using it, immediately, but only in reference to me.  Thank you for your consideration.]  I would have left the tag-line as The always inciteful blog except that some reading it might think it was a typographical error so I added Jam-packed with incite, light on insight so as to make more clear my word-play intentions.  Like so much here, including the wrong-sized background photo of the USS Iowa battleship firing a full broadside in 1984, in time that tag-line might evolve or even disappear altogether.  We shall see.

As this new ol' web page hits the ground running, the pace may at first appear to be more of a canter.  In time, I'll show it the whip, put the coals to it and soon enough it will be firing on all its mixed-metaphor, multi-hyphenated cylinders!

Lock and load!