National Museum of the USAF; Firepower and Feedback

On Saturday January 27th, the Cincinnati Reds made a 2018 Winter Caravan stop at the National Museum of the United States Air Force.  Since the Reds long ago abandoned Oxford as a Winter Caravan stop, me and Lou have had to suffice ourselves with the Hamilton stop for the past decade or thereabouts.  Bored with that locale, this year we opted to make a road trip to Wright-Patterson AFB, located outside Dayton, Ohio, for the Caravan stop.  

OK, who are we kidding?  Mostly we wanted to tour the USAF museum.

I know that the last time I visited was on a Reily Elementary school field trip, probably in 5th grade.  I don't recall much from that visit, circa 1983.

The museum doors open at 9am.  Free parking!  Free admission!  Free wi-fi!  

Why don't I go every weekend?!

We arrived at 10am for what the Reds advertised as an 11am start time.  In the visitor center, Lou grabbed a map of the museum and discovered that the Reds Winter Caravan was set up in Hanger 2 (of 4) at the museum. Lou looked but did not find on the map Hanger 18.  

We took our seats in eager anticipation of an entertaining and informative appearance by the Reds General Manager Dick Williams, broadcasters Jeff "the Cowboy" Brantley and Jim Day Domicile, Reds pitcher Amir Garrett, a Reds prospect named Tyler Stephenson (who?) and former Red Todd Benzinger (yawn).  

At 11am, we were still waiting.

At 11:15am, we were still waiting. 

At 11:20am they materialized.

Immediately, from the first word, the microphone for emcee Jim Day Domicile (standing, in the photo above) malfunctioned.  The sound of his voice was barely audible over the feedback, screeching, buzzing, crackling.  Each member of the Caravan was given his own mic.  The microphones all performed similarly.  And progressively worse.  At one point we sighted 4 people hovering over the soundboard frantically trying to remedy the audio.  The audio only worsened.  20 minutes after beginning with a Q-and-A of submitted written questions of suspect origin, the Reds pulled the plug on their presentation.

I went to the U.S. Air Force Museum and a train wreck broke out!

Faulty microphones laid aside, the Reds personnel proceeded with the standard autograph session.  As we weren't particularly interested in obtaining autographs from Jim Day or Todd Benzinger, et al. [we've got Amir Garrett], and certainly not open to waiting 30 or 45 minutes to obtain said signatures, we bolted for the canteen for a lunch of burgers and fries.

Refueled, we ventured back into the hangers to check out all the cool aircraft.  Lou most wanted to see the space program exhibits, my youngest niece was interested in seeing Air Force One and I most wanted to check out the Cold War era warplanes.  The exhibits in the four hangers are organized, essentially, chronologically.  As such, we headed for Hanger #4 (Presidential aircraft and space program) and worked our way backwards through the eras.  In the 4 hours we had available to tour, we only made it through Hangers #4 and #3, plus the missile silo.

A return trip this summer is in the planning stages.

We first checked out the experimental USAF aircraft;

There wasn't an exhibit for the Jeep Main Battle Tank.  Why would there be?  However, suspended overhead was the Jeep Jet;

It weighed less than 300 .lbs and could be assembled in the field by 2 men in 20 minutes.

Don't believe the conspiracy theorists who will tell you the USAF is hiding alien spacecraft.  They have it on the exhibit floor!

The star exhibit among the presidential aircraft is, of course, Air Force One.  This is the iconic AF1 that was employed by JFK, William Jefferson Clinton and every Chief Executive in-between.  In what was perhaps the most famous and certainly the most somber event to have transpired on this AF1, LBJ took his oath of office aboard this jet with Jackie Kennedy standing next to him, the blood of JFK splattered upon her dress.

Visitors to the museum are welcome to walk through Air Force One as well as the presidential aircraft that pre-dated AF1; Shangri-La (FDR; not photographed), The Independence (Harry S Truman);

And also Columbine (Dwight D Eisenhower):

I think the coolest of the experimental USAF aircraft on display is the massive, Concorde-like XB-70; 

From the rear, its six engines (pictured, below) have an appearance of the Star Wars Star Destroyer spacecraft;

Sandwiched between Hangers 4 and 3 is the Missile Silo;

Mock-up (above) of a missile launch control room. 

Random dude (not me; above) for scale.

The largest missile on display is the Titan II ICBM (below).  Random dude (me) for scale;

Shall we play a game?

As you maneuver about the museum -- looking here and there, up and away -- be careful that you don't bump into one of the many thermonuclear bombs that litter the exhibit floor!

Boom!

In the selfie (above) of a dummy [bomb!  A dummy bomb you bullies!], I think I captured an image evocative of the films Dr Strangelove or Fail Safe.  The eyes obscured, the dark and shadowy foreground contrasted with the large military aircraft brightly lit in the background.... a little eerie!

Everything we saw on exhibit is cool and merits far more attention than I can dedicate space to here.  Some aircraft, though, are more awe-inspiring than others.  To wit;

SR-71 Blackbird.....

B-2 Stealth Bomber.....

F-16 Thunderbird.....

F-117A Stealth Fighter.....

F-22.....

Two Soviet MiG's are on exhibit;

And an RAF Tornado;

Presidential aircraft are awesome in their own right, the missiles and bombs are frightfully awesome, the fighter jets are rock star cool, but I'm most interested in "the big birds."  Specifically, the bombers.  It's a Heavy Artillery thing.  Such as the iconic B-52;

Among all the aircraft we saw on exhibit in Hangers 4 & 3, that which had me most agog was the too-big-for-photography B-36J Peacemaker;

Sporting 10 engines (6 rear-facing propellers, 4 jets), this was the 800-pound gorilla in the USAF Strategic Air Command;  Quoting from Wikipedia:

The B-36 is the largest mass-produced piston-engine aircraft ever built. It had the longest wingspan of any combat aircraft ever built, at 230 ft. The B-36 was the first bomber capable of delivering any of the nuclear weapons in the U.S. arsenal from inside its four bomb bays without aircraft modifications. With a range of 10,000 mi and a maximum payload of 87,200 lb., the B-36 was capable of intercontinental flight without refuelling.

There remains so much more to see at the USAF Museum.  I'm looking forward with great anticipation at making a return trip this summer.

Roll the credits! 

Road Trip to the Fiat Clinic

Late last year the 15-year old TDS MINI Cooper Mobile Tactical Unit, with north of 378,000 miles on the odometer, was diagnosed with a loss of compression in one of its four cylinders.  You would have first read about this sad development here.  While the MINI continues to willing charge down the open highway ("up the open highway" as in uphill is another matter altogether) with a determined purpose it has been removed from active duty service.  It currently fulfills primarily a promotional purpose.  A decision regarding the ultimate disposition of the MINI Cooper remains TBD.

Later that same week, Lou's 1979 model year Fiat Spider 2000 was diagnosed with a loss of compression in two of its four cylinders.

That was a bad week for Scuderia B Team.

When the Spider rolled out of the Fiat workshop in Turin, Italy way back in 1979 it originally packed 80 horsepower under its Pininfarina-designed sculpted hood.  With 40 years of wear, and now the loss of compression in half its cylinders, one might speculate that more or less than half of those horse have escaped from the stable.

The local shop which creditably services Lou's fleet of modern vehicles expressed to him some degree of their improbability to solve the Fiat's engine issue, to say nothing about the myriad electrical gremlins that require attention.  This set Lou on a quest to discover a garage which specializes in vintage Fiats. 

In the meantime, on Christmas Day we took the Fiat out for a vigorous drive in sunny, brisk conditions.

When the Fiat underwent its resurrection in 2009, through the magic of the interwebz Lou found a garage that specializes in vintage Fiats..... in Canada.  Lou contacted the shop owner and over the course of a few conversations just about committed himself to the madcap idea of transporting the Fiat to the Great White North.  The potential for this plan to be realized was such that I was dispatched to obtain for myself a passport for international travel.  The obvious hitch, from Lou's geographic perspective, is that the garage is located in Ontario, Canada.  Shortly thereafter Lou found a vintage car restoration skunkworks hidden deep within a nondescript industrial park locally, in a Cincinnati suburb, that took on the Fiat resurrection.

Sometime thereafter again Lou obtained a new set of wheels for the Fiat, replacing the Spider's original wheels, from a vintage Fiat garage located conveniently enough (relative to Canada) in the state capitol.

For the Fiat's 2018 engine work, Lou contacted those same good folks at Midwest Bayless in Columbus and they were all-too happy to oblige.... but not immediately.  Their garage was jammed up with old Fiats of every variety and would need a few weeks to clear the backlog before they could accept Lou's Spider.

On the 9th of January we set out for Columbus, Lou in the cockpit of the Spider with me commanding the Jeep Main Battle Tank as chase car.  Both of us carried fire extinguishers.  You know, just in case, for a car burning oil like a bombed-out Iraqi refinery and with a history of leaking fuel.

Eastbound on I-275.....

Descending on the ramp to I-71 North aka heading into the Carousel at the Nurburgring, looking every part the Green Barchetta at the Green Hell.....

Northbound on 71.....

Overtaking big rigs.....

I may or may not have clearance to announce that the Spider touched 80 mph (cranking at 4,000 RPM), pending approval from the legal department.  Thanks largely to superior Italian build quality and microscopic body weight, even at +/- 50% thrust the Fiat can hustle.

It was at about this point (above) that the front end of the Jeep was sprayed with a thin mist of an oily substance which the windshield wipers and sprayers were unable to clean.  I was certain that the Fiat was on the verge of a catastrophic loss of oil pressure but the little green convertible soldiered onward into downtown Columbus.....

And finally to our destination at Midwest Bayless, yet another skunkworks in a nondescript building at the terminus of a dead end urban street..... 

.....adorned with a cool vintage sign from a Fiat dealership.

The Spider created its own superfund site upon arrival, disgorging twin steams of fuel and oil onto the icy parking lot.

Outside the garage is a graveyard of Fiats:

We spent nearly 30 minutes speaking with the chief mechanic.  We were greatly encouraged to learn that he too owns as his personal car a 1979 Fiat Spider 2000.  We came to the right place!  He lifted the hood on the Spider and gave us a highly detailed, thorough rundown of what Lou has and what options he's looking at for engine work.  Good news for us, Lou has a 49-state engine, one which did not have to adhere to the then- (and now-) ridiculous California state smog control standards of the era. 

Inside we were given a brief tour of the facility, including some of the other Fiats currently undergoing repairs.  The garage is more or less a speed shop for both the customers and mechanics working there.  Based upon our observations, it would appear that they are specializing in hot rodding Bertone-designed Fiat X1/9s with Acura RSX engines and transmissions.  200+ horse power engines in flyweight 40-year old Fiats must make for hellaciously quick cars!   

I wasn't so bold as to take any photographs from inside Midwest Bayless before Lou officially became a customer.  I'll try to sneak a few spy photos upon our return trip to pick up the Fiat sometime this spring.

Roll the credits!