Absconding with a line from Meredith Wilson, It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Perusing the Wall Street Journal on-line over doughnuts and Fuze (the breakfast of champions!) I ran across an essay in the Life & Culture section from noted humorist and Miami University alum P.J. O'Rourke titled "The Boomer Bust," adapted from his forthcoming book The Baby Boom: How It Got That Way... And It Wasn't My Fault...And I'll Never Do It Again. Orders may be placed here. As of this writing I have not read The Baby Boom, ergo I cannot yet recommend it. However, if you are still groping about for last-minute Christmas gift ideas, permit me to suggest any of (or all) three of my favorite books authored by P.J. O'Rourke:
Holidays in Hell, first published in 1989.
Give War A Chance, first published in 1992.
On The Wealth Of Nations, first published in 2007.
People often axe me, Marty [credit: "The Cowboy" Jeff Brantley], "Mr Heavy Artillery [sic], you are a widely respected connoisseur of fine music. What does Christmas Day sound like at The Ranch?" Here's my secret recipe, should you be desirous of having cool background music as you annihilate Mom's delicate gift wrappings and slam down Grandma's bountiful snack tray offerings:
1) Fire up the twentieth century 8-million watt Sony STR-DE625 high fidelity stereo digital receiver. Reduce the volume from "8" down to "2.5" or "3."
2) Turn the receiver's speaker manettino to select all four floor-standing WHO tour tower-sized floor speakers.
3) Throw the power switch on the twentieth century Sony CDP-CE215 5-disc carousel. Insert the five following audio compact discs:
- Dean Martin Making Spirits Bright
- Christmas with the Rat Pack
- Vince Guaraldi Trio: A Charlie Brown Christmas
- Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby Happy Holidays
- Rudolph, Frosty & Friends' Favorite Christmas Songs
4) Pound the "Shuffle All Discs" button on the disc player.
If you follow those steps, you will enjoy several hours-worth of hepcat audio holiday cheer that resembles something like this:
I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm
The Christmas Waltz
Skating
Christmas Time All Over The World
Holly Jolly Christmas
Let It Snow
Happy Holidays
Put One Foot In Front Of The Other
I Believe
Christmastime Is Here
Baby, It's Cold Outside
There's Always Tomorrow
The Christmas Song
Mistletoe And Holly
Greensleeves
Silent Night
White Christmas
Silver And Gold
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Linus And Lucy
As for a Christmas Day afternoon snack to pair with your musical interlude, may I suggest Hickory Farms turkey sausage, Hickory Farms garlic mozzarella cheese spread, some good old fashioned snowflake-shaped Ritz crackers and a Mexican-bottled Coca-Cola (with real cane sugar) to wash it all down.
You're welcome.
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