Professional League of American Rules Football

An un-named Incomparable source reports that the Fabulous Chabot Boys will be in attendance at this Sunday's championship match for the Professional League of American Rules Football (or "PLARF").  I, of course, loathe FC Baltimore and FC SF and as such I will be rooting for the commercials.  If I don't see a Cedric the Entertainer Bud Light commercial I will be very disappointed.

Cedric Bud Light

Be sure to keep an eye out for O-town's favorite BIG sons.

Long-range Reconnaissance

Through exhaustive scientific examination I have single-handedly proven, irrefutably, that the forward pass ruined American Rules Football.  The adoption of helmets and face guards put the game on an evolutionary path that has led it to the sport we recognize today and which President Obama regards as dangerous.  The clock is ticking on his upcoming Executive Order banning the private and/or commercial participation of American Rules Football by all citizens and in all venues (including the annual Turkey Bowl on the lawn of Millett Hall) with exemptions only for government officials wishing to play touch football at the Kennedy Compound.  Or, perhaps, it has already been prohibited by the so-called Affordable Care Act (funny that my insurance premiums went up $1,080 for 2013) or soon will be when Congress gets around to someday writing the thousands of as yet unwritten passages in the long-since-signed-into-law Dodd-Frank Act.

At any rate, while some jurisdictions may yet enjoy soft drinks of any size the populace desires, and while some districts still have access to salt for their tasty assortment of Super Bowel [sic] halftime snacks, let's hearken back to a now long-distant era when American Rules Football was, truly, a great game.

Since 1845 when Alexander Joy Cartwright first codified the rules of America's Pastime for the Knickerbocker Base Ball Club, baseball has been played on a diamond with bases set 90 feet apart.  Football lost the grid in its "gridiron" (seen above) more than 100 years ago.  Pity, that.

The panoramic photo, above, from 1906 captures the quintessential American high school rivalry (with no apologies to the State of Texas); Massillon versus Canton.  Grid, an absence of helmets.  This is how American Rules Football was meant to be played.  Next up, below [wait a minute.... Next up?  Below?  This sentence merits a serious re-write], the 1908 Army-Navy grudge match:

This game was played on November 28, 1908.  Students of our service academies might educate all of us as to which venue hosted this game.  I would rather travel back in time and watch this one game as it was then played than watch any of the PLARF games I was subjected to this season.  OK, that's false proposition - I didn't watch any PLARF games this season.  That's OK, though. This is the season for false propositions.  Why, President Obama's entire Straw-Man Inaugural Address was one long, seemingly interminable litany of false propositions.

The 1913 Purdue Boilermakers wound up their Western Conference campaign that season with a record of 4-1-2 (ties are better than any of the pathetic "sudden death" scenarios dreamed up by the PLARF Commission on Rules And Procedures), a statistical tie for second-place.  That season's 9-team precursor of the heralded Big Ten included; Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Northwestern, Minnesota, Ohio State, Purdue, Wisconsin..... and the University of Chicago.  In the photo above, the mighty Boilermakers were pounding Big Randy's Wabash Nurses College Cannonballers into submission before a packed (?) West Lafayette, Indiana house, 26-0.

As you can see, by 1913 the grid was gone and helmets were here (a little alliteration [again!] for you English Majors out there) and football had fumbled (somebody stop me) its legacy.  The last photo this week (below) is dedicated to legendary Wildcat alum BIG JUSTIN:

In 1913 Purdue whupped (because that's what you do in the Midwest; you whup folks) Northwestern, 34-0.  Boiler Up!

Watching The Market Recap As I Create This Link