This Week In Baseball

Tuesday night The Incomparable Joe Wilhelm and I went to see the Reds host the Cubs at GABP.  We met at the statue of Johnny Bench around 6pm.  Joe said he wanted to grab a bite to eat but didn't want to pay ballpark prices for food.  Now that the Banks has been developed (what's that old saying?  Better 10 years late than never?), we kicked around the idea of hitting the Moerlein Lager House, but Joe said he'd been there just the night before.  My suggestion of chicken and waffles at Mahogany's didn't appeal to Jo-Jo's sensitive pallet.  Neither of us wanted to drop a C-note on steak at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and I wouldn't be caught dead in Toby Keith's Dude, I Love This Bar or whatever it's called.  So we settled on Johnny Rocket's for a burger and fries.

My barbecue and bacon cheeseburger, fries and ice cold Coca-Cola ran to just north of $16.  I could get fifteen $1 hot dogs and one $1 Coke inside GABP for that price, Production Manager Wilhelm!  Then again, I would not have had the displeasure of watching ESPN on all twenty-five TV screens.  Couldn't they have put the MLB Network on just one?  How about Fox Sports Ohio for Reds pre-game coverage?  Evidently, the management at Johnny Rockets thinks that 100% of their customer base, just one hour prior to first pitch, wants to watch NBA playoff lowlights and a panel discussion on which SEC linebacker the Los Angeles Rams [sic] will draft with their 3rd pick in this year's PLARF draft.  Since there was nothing to watch, Joe gave me an analysis of daily life outside his office window in Over The Rhine.

One of my sources deep within the Reds organization, codenamed BOSS, stopped by my luxury box seats for a brief visit.  Evidently there was a sighting of another THS grad at the ballpark Tuesday night:

Joe embarked upon a great expedition throughout GABP to find the Patton Battalion but reported back they retreated during the 7th inning over the loud protestations of Generalissimo Bart Patton.  Dat Dude BP shoulda ditched the wife and kids and hung out with the boys!  Additionally, there were unconfirmed rumors that Jude was big-timing me and Joe in the Diamond Club seats, eating foie gras and drinking Chateau de Moises Alou '03.

The mighty Redlegs made a furious, two-run rally in the Bottom of the 9th to tie the ballgame.  At this point Joe had seen enough and went home, leaving me to watch the extra-innings in solitude. 

It wasn't too long before relief pitcher Manny Parra gave up a home run.  And then a base runner.  And another.  Soon the Cubs had a runner on third and were threatening to play add-on in the 10th inning.  The Reds infielders were drawn onto the infield grass in hopes of cutting down the baserunner attempting to score from third:

Manny Parra couldn't keep that runner on third from scoring.  The Reds trailed by 2 runs.  I took a photograph of my new Nike shoe, propped up upon a seatback in my then-desolate section of seats:

It was then that the skies opened up.  I sent a text message to The Incomparable Joe Wilhelm;  We're losing to the Cubs in extra innings and it's raining.  To which Jo-Jo replied;  Go home!

I did not!  I remained until the bitter, damp, dreary end able to console myself only in the knowledge that I correctly answered that night's Scoreboard Stumper.

Two nights later, the Reds found themselves playing the Nationals in  the District of Columbia before yet another proud alumnus of THS, Big Strick.

In the declassified spy photo above, G-Man Big Strick captured Reds hurler Bronson Arroyo in the act of committing Reds Country treachery, surrendering a half dozen runs to the enemy.  Covertly operating under the alias "Mark," Big Strick mingled about the crowd and dutifully reports the presence of many Reds jerseys - notably for Pete Rose, Barry Larkin and Sean Casey.  Faithfully adhering to Heavy Artillery principles, "Mark" also submitted the following panoramic photo of the crime scene:

Be sure to take photos of Reds action anytime they visit your neck of the woods and submit them for publication on Heavy Artillery.

TWIB Outro (extended version)