As we faithful in Reds Country prepare for a monumental season in the annals of professional baseball in Cincinnati, let's understand 15 key points leading into this historically-associated 2015 season:
1) A healthy Joey Votto is the best hitter in the National League. Bar none. Human bodies are imperfect (excepting Daisy Fuentes, of course) and those of professional athletes are subjected to rigors beyond that which we mere mortal civilians experience. I blame much, probably most, of Joey's recent maladies on our team's infamous duck orthopedic surgeon, Doc Hollywood. If he is healthy in 2015, Votto will have a tremendous season. This past Hot Stove League season brought with it a near-constant harangue on the airwaves from fans disgruntled over Votto's recent lack of production in favor of pursuing a higher on-base percentage. Mind you, whilst he was battling through a debilitating injury that prevented Joey from driving the ball. What the fans seem to misunderstand is that a player can have an OBP of .450 and blast 30 home runs and drive in 120 RBI. Yes, it would take an MVP-type season from an MVP-type player to do so. Joey Votto is exactly that kind of player. [for reference see; Joey Votto 2010 MVP award.] Expecting a healthy season from Votto, the trick for him reaching the 110 or 120 RBI plateau will be for Dat Manager BP to not screw up the batting order by putting Joey in the 2-hole. Ruh-roh, Shaggy!
2) Jay Bruuuuuce had a nightmarish offensive season in 2014. The Beaumont Bomber is getting paid big boy money to bat clean-up and drive in runs. Another season of .217/.281/.373 with 16 bombs and 66 rib eye steaks (with 500 at-bats) would be crippling to this team's pennant dreams. Funny thing, though. The peasants with pitchforks continuously agitated for Adam Dunn to be run out of town on the next of Ken Griffey, Junior's private Lear Jet flights. The Big Donkey never had a season as bad as the one just posted by Bruuuuuce. The closest he came to that nearly unfathomable low was in just his third major league season when Dunner batted .215/.354/.465 with 27 homers and 57 runs bated in. In fewer than 400 at-bats that season. I like The Beaumont Bomber. I think he'll have a good-to-very-good season this year. But it was wrong to ride El Burro Grande out of town and it's wrong in 2015 to beat up Bruuuuuce for a singularly awful 2014 season.
3) Dat Dude BP needs to drop the hot dog amateurism and play ball. He might very well go down as the second-greatest second baseman in Reds franchise history. Just think how much better he could be without all the showboatin'. Ric Flair he ain't. Wooooo!
4) The Reds need solid, productive seasons out of Votto , Bruce, and Phillips in order to bring the NL pennant back to the Queen City.
5) Todd Frazier and Devin Mesoraco both had career-best seasons last year. It should be understood by the Reds faithful that no player's career trajectory is a vertical line upward. The Toddfather and Rocco might each regress, statistically, a bit this season but could and should still provide the Reds with productive seasons, in the field and at the dish.
6) The loss of Phat Mat Latos will hurt the overall success of our pitching rotation. Yes, I said "our." [for reference see; Reds PA announcer Joe Zerhusen: "Ladies and gentleman! Here are your Cinicinnati Reds!"]. Ace Johnny Cueto is in the walk year of his contract and after two near-Cy Young Award seasons, I expect Cueto will be lights out this season. Homer Bailey and his two No-Hitters will start the season on the DL [for reference see; Quack!] but he should soon rejoin the club and with his maturity and experience he should have a great season in 2015. He has tended toward knuckleheadedness in the past, so Homie needs to put up in order to make fans shut up. I think he will. Mike "Six Run" Leake is sneaky good except when he's giving up 6 runs. He's the best sub-.500 NL pitcher nobody talks about.
7) The Reds have an intriguing bunch of young arms which may or may not make the Opening Day roster but which we'll no doubt see at some point during the 2015 season, allowing for unavoidable injuries.
8) Reassigning Tony Cingrani to the bullpen is a smart move, as the kid only has one pitch. His move to the bullpen more smoothly paves the way for Reds GM Walt "Jockerty" Jockety to trade the Cuban Missile the day after the All-Star Game and for Dat Manager BP to pencil Cingrani into the Closer role. You read it here first!
9) Newly-acquired left fielder Marlon Byrd will be given every opportunity to succeed in LF where so many have failed since the days of Big Donkey. OK, if you don't like that, since the days of Greg Vaughn or Kevin Mitchell before him. "Jockerty" missed a golden opportunity for my close personal friend Robert (he lets me call him "Bob") Castellini to sell some tickets and for Dat Manager BP to have a legit #2 hitter (or #1, now that the bloom is off Billy Hamilton, dropped to the Zack Cozart low-rent distict of the batting order) and solid outfield defender when Walt allowed the Miami Marlins to sign Ichiro. Ichiro is fewer than 200 hits away from 3000 in these United States and only 134 hits away from 4256 all-time, Japan and U.S. combined! What a great opportunity to sell tickets. Plus, Ichiro is good in the clubhouse and is as fundamentally-sound a player as you'll ever find in the modern game. If any team is going to have the global Hit King, it should be the Cincinnati Reds!
10) Bob Castellini should forever be appreciated by Reds fans for opening up the bank vault like no other owner in franchise history, Powel Crosley and you-know-who included. Bob has shoveled mountains of Obama-inflated treasury notes into player payroll and has led the county into a near-continual regimen of upgrades to fan amenities at the Great American Tilt Yard. This year there are improvements in food and adult beverage offerings, concession stand design and, at long last, Wi-Fi access for all!
11) Jill Patton informs me that MLB has a new Commissioner. A. Bartlett "Bug" [sic] Selig is dead! Long live Rob Manfred! That is, until he inevitably mishandles the case of MLB versus Peter Edward. Make no mistake, Pete will not be re-instated this season nor any year until his Hall of Fame induction is posthumous. So far, the new commish has made positive comments in reference to considering daytime World Series games and reducing the length of the schedule back to 154 games. That said, introducing a clock of any sort for any purpose into the game runs anathema to the origins of the game.
12)
[Arlo and Janis cartoon submitted by The Paleorider today.]
13) Big Red Smokeys and ice cold Coca-Cola.
14) There's that number again!
15) With the looming departures of Cueto and Chapman, the aging process catching up to Dat Showboat BP, and potential mismanagement of the line-up by Dat Manager BP, should the Reds be out of contention by the All-Star Break then 2015 might serve as a final hurrah for this club which has had a good run since 2010. Better get your tickets while they last!
Roll the credits!
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